1 00:00:08,201 --> 00:00:10,201 Dad, Mum's being weird. Yeah, well, Mum's always weird. 2 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,480 Do you think it's cos I haven't signed up to help with the hedgehog hunt? 3 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,960 I'm not going to make a potato salad for that! 4 00:00:16,959 --> 00:00:19,439 I don't understand what your problem is with her. 5 00:00:19,439 --> 00:00:23,359 You're actually a married man trawling Tinder. Oops! 6 00:00:23,358 --> 00:00:25,758 I mean, I found Mr Miaowgi in the wardrobe, mate. 7 00:00:25,758 --> 00:00:28,198 I found him in the tumble dryer. 8 00:00:28,198 --> 00:00:30,158 Alex's memorial's coming up, isn't it? 9 00:00:30,157 --> 00:00:32,277 You never told me what you actually saw. 10 00:00:32,277 --> 00:00:35,717 I think I have flashes of something that I said to you last night. 11 00:00:35,717 --> 00:00:36,837 Who's that boy? 12 00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,796 And that girl... 13 00:00:38,796 --> 00:00:40,636 I need you to look after Harry for me. 14 00:00:40,636 --> 00:00:44,156 Just stay on the phone. Jen! I'll be as quick as I can. 15 00:00:44,155 --> 00:00:46,235 What if we have to look after Harry forever? 16 00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:51,345 You've not been very good, have you? 17 00:00:53,394 --> 00:00:55,074 Jen, it's me again. 18 00:00:55,074 --> 00:00:57,954 It's probably about the 47th time I've tried to call you, 19 00:00:57,953 --> 00:01:00,433 or tried to call the police. 20 00:01:00,433 --> 00:01:02,593 Please, please get back to me. 21 00:01:03,552 --> 00:01:05,272 I'm going to kill you. 22 00:01:05,272 --> 00:01:08,032 There's a surprise. She doesn't want to come and look for MDF hedgehogs 23 00:01:08,032 --> 00:01:10,472 in the freezing cold woods. I told you, she's not going to be here. 24 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,871 Well, she might be. She might. 25 00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:15,151 I just... I think she'll come. I do think so. You can't predict what she's going to do. 26 00:01:15,151 --> 00:01:18,711 She's a nutty bitch who didn't even know where she lived. 27 00:01:21,270 --> 00:01:22,750 I know. I know. I know. 28 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,589 No, but, like, we know nothing about her. 29 00:01:24,589 --> 00:01:26,909 Maybe she's not even called Jen. Maybe she's called Derek. 30 00:01:26,909 --> 00:01:29,149 Maybe she wears a wig, sellotapes her bollocks to her stomach. 31 00:01:29,148 --> 00:01:30,988 Oh, stop it. Don't... I'm trying to make light of it 32 00:01:30,988 --> 00:01:32,508 cos I'm actually pretty pissed off. 33 00:01:32,508 --> 00:01:33,748 I don't want to be the husband 34 00:01:33,748 --> 00:01:36,468 who says, I told you so, but I did tell you so. Yes. 35 00:01:36,467 --> 00:01:38,587 You all right? You look a bit worried. 36 00:01:38,587 --> 00:01:43,147 Carl Collins said that if you leave out bread and milk for hedgehogs, 37 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:46,906 when they eat it, they explode. 38 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:49,746 No! Well, they're lactose intolerant so they can't take dairy. 39 00:01:49,745 --> 00:01:52,625 Me and Mum left out bread and milk for the hedgehogs. 40 00:01:52,625 --> 00:01:55,305 Yeah, but I'm sure no hedgehogs were actually harmed. No, no, no. 41 00:01:55,305 --> 00:01:58,215 Well, that's weird because there's a dead hedgehog next to the bowl 42 00:01:58,224 --> 00:02:01,584 that was twice the size. Unless it was just really fat, I don't know what's happened to it. 43 00:02:01,584 --> 00:02:04,144 No, that won't have been the bread and milk, would it? 44 00:02:04,143 --> 00:02:06,263 That would've... That's.. 45 00:02:06,263 --> 00:02:09,423 That would've been the cancer. Cancer. 46 00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:10,542 Cancer! 47 00:02:10,542 --> 00:02:12,942 Like an aggressive form of cancer, I would have thought. 48 00:02:12,942 --> 00:02:15,662 I knew that it was cancer the whole time. Cheers, Mum. 49 00:02:15,661 --> 00:02:17,101 That's all right, babe. Oh, look. 50 00:02:17,101 --> 00:02:18,781 He's got cancer? 51 00:02:18,781 --> 00:02:20,621 Look, I'm just as angry as you. 52 00:02:20,621 --> 00:02:22,261 I'm even angry at myself. 53 00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:24,700 And I know that I'm a massive tit because I'm so gullible. 54 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:28,060 I really wanted a mate and... Seriously, get rid of her. 55 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,780 Yes, I am. Get rid of her. She's a nightmare. 56 00:02:29,779 --> 00:02:31,859 I know, but I just... I know I don't know her, 57 00:02:31,859 --> 00:02:33,579 but I know that she will come back for Harry. 58 00:02:33,579 --> 00:02:36,059 She will come here today. I just know it. 59 00:02:36,058 --> 00:02:40,578 Right. Well, you obviously never read that poem in GCSE English, 60 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:46,098 did you, about the prostitute who... What? ..promises a man sex 61 00:02:46,097 --> 00:02:48,577 by a tree stump and then ties her baby to his back 62 00:02:48,576 --> 00:02:50,016 and fucks off on his horse? 63 00:02:50,016 --> 00:02:52,896 That's mental. Never heard that poem? Never. No. 64 00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:54,976 That's annoying because that's the perfect reference 65 00:02:54,976 --> 00:02:57,176 for this situation. It's absolutely wasted on you. 66 00:02:57,175 --> 00:02:59,015 We just read sort of John Cooper Clarke. 67 00:02:59,015 --> 00:03:00,775 Oh, yeah. Mm. 68 00:03:02,134 --> 00:03:04,094 I'm sorry. I am sorry. 69 00:03:04,094 --> 00:03:06,734 No, don't be sorry, like, she manipulated you. 70 00:03:06,734 --> 00:03:08,334 It's not your fault. She did. 71 00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:11,013 Well, it's just, you know, you're thick as pig shite, that's all. 72 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,133 Cheers. That's all right. 73 00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:15,773 I love you, too. 74 00:03:15,772 --> 00:03:18,372 Erm... So... 75 00:03:19,972 --> 00:03:23,812 I should probably say a few words about Alex at tomorrow's memorial. 76 00:03:23,811 --> 00:03:25,411 But I know what I want to say, 77 00:03:25,411 --> 00:03:28,371 but I'm just struggling to sort of...how to say it. 78 00:03:28,370 --> 00:03:29,490 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 79 00:03:29,490 --> 00:03:33,170 So I just thought, like, maybe you could help me with it. 80 00:03:33,170 --> 00:03:35,850 Oh, God, yes, of course. Yeah. Can I read it to you? 81 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,849 I'm just going to check at the start, 82 00:03:37,849 --> 00:03:40,129 just to see if Lucy's heard anything from Jen. 83 00:03:40,129 --> 00:03:42,529 I'll be like two seconds, I promise. 84 00:03:42,528 --> 00:03:45,448 OK? I just... Just a check. 85 00:03:48,607 --> 00:03:50,287 What do you want now? 86 00:03:50,287 --> 00:03:51,407 I want a map. 87 00:03:51,407 --> 00:03:53,207 I did already give you a map. 88 00:03:53,207 --> 00:03:57,287 Yeah, but Carl Collins forced me to eat it, so I need a new one now. 89 00:03:57,286 --> 00:03:58,606 Classic Carl Collins, that. 90 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,366 Don't eat that all at once, yeah? 91 00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,566 Have you seen Jen? Ah, Nic, now, 92 00:04:02,565 --> 00:04:05,445 did you get a chance to look at my routine? 93 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,405 Be brutal. No, I haven't. Oh. 94 00:04:07,405 --> 00:04:09,435 Have you seen Jen? You don't think I can do it, do you? 95 00:04:09,444 --> 00:04:11,524 Have you seen Jen? But I do have funny bones, Nic, 96 00:04:11,524 --> 00:04:13,764 cos I was the class clown at Sunday school, 97 00:04:13,764 --> 00:04:16,684 and every time Sister Mary turned her back, right, 98 00:04:16,683 --> 00:04:18,963 I'd do that. Jesus Christ. 99 00:04:18,963 --> 00:04:21,163 Have you seen Jen? No. Why? What's the matter? 100 00:04:21,163 --> 00:04:23,283 Oh, she dropped Harry off at ours last night, 101 00:04:23,282 --> 00:04:24,802 didn't tell me where she was going, 102 00:04:24,802 --> 00:04:26,202 can't get hold of her on her phone. 103 00:04:26,202 --> 00:04:28,282 I don't know what to do. I'm completely beside myself. 104 00:04:28,281 --> 00:04:29,841 You've called the police, haven't you? 105 00:04:29,841 --> 00:04:31,041 I did call the police. 106 00:04:31,041 --> 00:04:32,641 And they said, because she's an adult 107 00:04:32,641 --> 00:04:34,081 who went off on her own accord, 108 00:04:34,081 --> 00:04:35,841 they couldn't give a flying fuck. 109 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,760 You cannot tell anybody this. 110 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,600 And I know what you're like because you're a blabbermouth. 111 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,480 No, no, no. You absolutely can trust me. 112 00:04:42,479 --> 00:04:44,199 OK, you do not tell anybody. 113 00:04:44,199 --> 00:04:45,719 Went round to the house, 114 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,079 this mad old woman answered the door, 115 00:04:48,078 --> 00:04:49,678 said that SHE lived there. 116 00:04:49,678 --> 00:04:51,198 She'd never heard of Jen. 117 00:04:51,198 --> 00:04:53,958 And then I showed her a picture of Jen and she said, "That's not Jen. 118 00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:55,958 "That's Katya." 119 00:04:58,357 --> 00:05:00,237 So she never heard of Jen?! 120 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,356 This is a bit of an overreaction. No, no, no. I'm sorry. 121 00:05:04,356 --> 00:05:06,076 I should never have said anything to you. OK. 122 00:05:06,076 --> 00:05:09,236 You know, I think I can probably help you find out where she lives. 123 00:05:09,235 --> 00:05:11,395 I've got the new Samsung, so I can just Google. 124 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:14,385 Oh, my God, you're just showing off your new Samsung. Not at all. 125 00:05:14,394 --> 00:05:15,474 What would you Google? 126 00:05:15,474 --> 00:05:18,434 Jen McKenna, Katya, Cockbury, question mark, something like that. 127 00:05:18,434 --> 00:05:20,514 Oh, my God. 128 00:05:20,514 --> 00:05:25,234 You need a massive shag, to the point where your headboard 129 00:05:25,233 --> 00:05:27,993 is banging so hard cos your head keeps hitting it. 130 00:05:27,992 --> 00:05:29,392 Possibly. 131 00:05:29,392 --> 00:05:31,552 What I'm going to ask you - don't say anything. 132 00:05:31,552 --> 00:05:34,032 That's all you need to do. Oh, come on! 133 00:05:34,031 --> 00:05:36,471 I would never, not in a situation like this. 134 00:05:36,471 --> 00:05:37,911 Never. 135 00:05:37,911 --> 00:05:39,631 Erm, do... 136 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,791 Do you mind if I just tell Pippa, Toby's mum, 137 00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:43,830 just because we're quite close and I tell her everything 138 00:05:43,830 --> 00:05:45,790 and I wouldn't want her to be out of the loop on this one. 139 00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:47,550 Of course I mind! 140 00:05:47,549 --> 00:05:48,949 What did I just say? 141 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,149 I said don't tell anyone. 142 00:05:51,149 --> 00:05:52,829 What is wrong with you? 143 00:05:52,829 --> 00:05:54,589 What? 144 00:06:06,947 --> 00:06:08,507 I-I have no excuse. 145 00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:10,066 No, you don't have any excuse. 146 00:06:10,066 --> 00:06:11,906 I know... I called... No! 147 00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:15,826 You left your poor son all night with no phone call, 148 00:06:15,825 --> 00:06:18,305 no text to say where you were. 149 00:06:18,305 --> 00:06:21,055 Nothing! You are a massive... 150 00:06:22,944 --> 00:06:24,784 ..bellend. 151 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,264 Bellend's fair. 152 00:06:29,183 --> 00:06:32,103 I'm... I'm sorry. I... 153 00:06:34,262 --> 00:06:36,902 Nic. Nic, please. Nic! 154 00:06:36,902 --> 00:06:38,982 I cannot believe that you've done this to me, 155 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,582 but more importantly, I can't believe you've done this to Harry. 156 00:06:41,581 --> 00:06:43,341 What is wrong with you?! 157 00:06:43,341 --> 00:06:45,221 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 158 00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:46,461 What is wrong with you? 159 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,260 Daniel Radcliffe, nosing in on everyone's business. 160 00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:51,540 Just fuck off, mate. 161 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,340 Now, tell me. 162 00:06:54,339 --> 00:06:55,459 OK. 163 00:06:55,459 --> 00:06:56,979 Harry took me to your house. 164 00:06:56,979 --> 00:06:59,139 So you now live in an estate. Yeah? 165 00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:01,459 You're wearing the same coat as me. 166 00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,098 And I don't know who the fuck you are. 167 00:07:03,098 --> 00:07:04,738 Who is Katya?! 168 00:07:04,738 --> 00:07:07,418 Where's Harry? Where is he? Oh, now you give a fuck about Harry. 169 00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:11,977 Harry is with Dan, and he's not seeing you like that because, quite 170 00:07:11,977 --> 00:07:15,697 frankly, you look dirty, and not in a Christina Aguilera way. 171 00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:18,056 You've got to tell me what's going on. I will. 172 00:07:18,056 --> 00:07:19,576 We need to talk now. 173 00:07:19,576 --> 00:07:21,096 You're going to tell me everything. 174 00:07:26,694 --> 00:07:28,614 This one? Yeah. 175 00:07:33,014 --> 00:07:36,814 You've got seven minutes to tell me what the fuck is going on, 176 00:07:36,813 --> 00:07:39,453 because I'll be bloody damned if I miss out 177 00:07:39,453 --> 00:07:41,493 on those cut-out MDF hedgehogs. 178 00:07:41,492 --> 00:07:43,132 I'll be bloody damned. 179 00:07:43,132 --> 00:07:46,012 I don't know why you're being so nice to me. 180 00:07:46,012 --> 00:07:47,692 Neither do I. You're a massive prick. 181 00:07:47,691 --> 00:07:49,251 Was Harry all right? Was he upset? 182 00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:52,011 He couldn't have given a shit, like they discovered that Malcolm 183 00:07:52,011 --> 00:07:54,771 next door's skylight was open in his bedroom, so they just kept 184 00:07:54,770 --> 00:07:56,690 throwing Rolos into his sleeping face. 185 00:07:56,690 --> 00:07:59,210 It's all right for me to laugh at that. You can't laugh at that. 186 00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:01,850 I'm so angry with you! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know. 187 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:02,969 Where were you?! 188 00:08:04,129 --> 00:08:05,369 My friend was in trouble. 189 00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:06,929 You sound like Tracy Beaker. 190 00:08:06,928 --> 00:08:08,488 You're covered in soil. 191 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,208 I know. I am. 192 00:08:10,208 --> 00:08:11,688 It's just... 193 00:08:11,688 --> 00:08:13,848 It's just a really long story. 194 00:08:13,847 --> 00:08:15,287 Well, let's make it short. 195 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,407 I mean, I don't like long stories at the best of times. 196 00:08:17,407 --> 00:08:21,567 I zone in and out, so just bullet point it, succinct it. Yeah. 197 00:08:21,566 --> 00:08:26,406 I, erm, smashed up a greenhouse with a metal watering can. 198 00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,085 I'm sorry, I thought you just said, 199 00:08:28,085 --> 00:08:30,365 "I smashed up a greenhouse with a metal watering can." 200 00:08:30,365 --> 00:08:33,075 Yeah, I did. Would you like to elaborate on that? 201 00:08:33,084 --> 00:08:35,324 Well, it's cos I needed something heavy, 202 00:08:35,324 --> 00:08:38,724 and the watering can... No, not the watering can! 203 00:08:38,724 --> 00:08:40,844 Right. Why are you smashing up the greenhouse? All right! 204 00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:44,003 Oh, my God, that's like a joke that you'd find in the Chuckle Brothers. 205 00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:46,363 OK, fine. It's my friend Becca. 206 00:08:46,362 --> 00:08:50,802 Her husband is abusive, and he's violent, 207 00:08:50,802 --> 00:08:56,322 and he's controlling, and he's just an all-round scum of the Earth, 208 00:08:56,321 --> 00:09:00,521 waste of space, fucking piece of shit, OK? 209 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:04,560 And her son, Leo, was the one who called me last night 210 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,600 when I was at yours. 211 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,320 And he told me that things were getting really bad again, 212 00:09:08,319 --> 00:09:09,759 and he asked me to come and help. 213 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:12,519 And so that's...that's why I left in the way that I did. 214 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,919 And...and I went to her house. 215 00:09:15,918 --> 00:09:19,958 And when I got there, she wouldn't let me help her. 216 00:09:21,597 --> 00:09:22,837 Because he just... 217 00:09:23,957 --> 00:09:26,117 He just gets in her head. 218 00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:27,916 And he just makes her all these promises. 219 00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:31,556 He promises he's going to change and they're going to be happy. 220 00:09:31,556 --> 00:09:35,156 And he convinces her, and she believes him. 221 00:09:35,155 --> 00:09:36,475 And then he'll do it all again. 222 00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,195 And she doesn't know what she's doing, 223 00:09:38,195 --> 00:09:39,985 she doesn't know where she stands. 224 00:09:39,994 --> 00:09:41,714 And she fucking loves him. 225 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,034 And he knows that. 226 00:09:44,914 --> 00:09:48,234 And he's got this toxic sort of hold over her. 227 00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:50,913 Do you understand? 228 00:09:50,913 --> 00:09:53,073 Yeah. Yeah, I do. 229 00:09:54,352 --> 00:09:57,432 When Becca first told me what was going on, I... 230 00:09:57,432 --> 00:10:00,272 I recorded our conversation. I'm sorry, you recorded a conversation? 231 00:10:00,271 --> 00:10:02,551 Yeah, on my phone. Why would you record a conversation? 232 00:10:02,551 --> 00:10:04,911 It doesn't matter why... It doesn't matter why you did it. 233 00:10:04,911 --> 00:10:06,631 Why would you do it? No, it doesn't matter. 234 00:10:06,630 --> 00:10:08,430 I needed to... It matters to me. Fine! 235 00:10:08,430 --> 00:10:11,230 I recorded it because, when I was young, 236 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:14,590 something really bad happened to me at home. 237 00:10:14,589 --> 00:10:15,669 And my mum didn't believe me 238 00:10:15,669 --> 00:10:17,269 because she said I didn't have any proof. 239 00:10:17,269 --> 00:10:20,829 So I just record things so that people might believe me. 240 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,108 What bad thing happened to you? 241 00:10:22,108 --> 00:10:23,788 I don't really want to... Be specific. 242 00:10:23,788 --> 00:10:24,908 I need to know everything. 243 00:10:24,908 --> 00:10:26,508 Don't just tell me a half truth. 244 00:10:26,507 --> 00:10:28,627 I want to know ALL the truth. 245 00:10:30,347 --> 00:10:32,707 My stepdad... 246 00:10:32,706 --> 00:10:33,946 He... 247 00:10:35,746 --> 00:10:36,786 Oh, my God. He... 248 00:10:41,625 --> 00:10:45,455 It was only once, but my mum, she didn't... 249 00:10:45,464 --> 00:10:47,104 She wouldn't... 250 00:10:49,864 --> 00:10:53,344 Will you...will you just listen to this, please? 251 00:10:53,343 --> 00:10:55,583 No, my wages all go into his account. 252 00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:57,383 It's just like for bills, it's easier. 253 00:10:57,383 --> 00:10:59,223 And he just gives me an allowance in cash. 254 00:10:59,222 --> 00:11:01,262 I haven't got a bank card. Just come and stay with me. 255 00:11:01,262 --> 00:11:03,502 Bring Leo and stay with me. I can't. 256 00:11:03,502 --> 00:11:05,422 He looks at my fucking phone, Jen. 257 00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,221 It's not as fucking easy as that. 258 00:11:07,221 --> 00:11:09,701 You don't understand. You don't understand. 259 00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:11,461 Can we just tell someone? What for? 260 00:11:11,461 --> 00:11:13,341 There is nothing I can do. 261 00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:17,020 Please tell me you believe me now. 262 00:11:22,779 --> 00:11:26,819 OK. Of course I believe you. 263 00:11:29,058 --> 00:11:32,378 The only thing that's not quite matching up for me... 264 00:11:34,617 --> 00:11:36,697 ..is why did you end up fucking up a greenhouse? 265 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,097 Her husband's, erm... 266 00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:42,736 Well, he's a really keen gardener. Right. 267 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,576 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 268 00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:46,296 So... 269 00:11:46,295 --> 00:11:49,055 I just really felt like fucking it all up. 270 00:11:51,494 --> 00:11:53,854 Do you know, weirdly, 271 00:11:53,854 --> 00:11:56,374 you fucking up a greenhouse... 272 00:11:56,374 --> 00:12:00,974 Yeah? ..actually makes me love you a little bit more. 273 00:12:00,973 --> 00:12:04,173 If that's... That's weird. It is. Yeah. 274 00:12:04,173 --> 00:12:07,453 I mean, thank you, but it's...odd. 275 00:12:07,452 --> 00:12:10,132 You've never recorded me, have you? 276 00:12:10,132 --> 00:12:11,612 Why would I do that? 277 00:12:11,611 --> 00:12:13,531 I don't know. You're different. 278 00:12:13,531 --> 00:12:16,051 I would never do that to you. No? 279 00:12:17,491 --> 00:12:19,571 I've got something that'll cheer you up. Right. 280 00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:22,810 So, you know Lucy's been renovating her house. 281 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:25,450 Yeah. She's got that great big hole in her wall. 282 00:12:25,449 --> 00:12:29,649 A bat got in, and it flew into the downstairs bathroom. 283 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,569 And every time she goes into the downstairs bathroom, 284 00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:33,888 it bites her on her face. 285 00:12:33,888 --> 00:12:36,048 And there's nothing she can do about it because it's like 286 00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:37,248 an endangered species. 287 00:12:37,248 --> 00:12:41,768 So the wildlife rescue people won't touch it with a bloody bargepole. 288 00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:43,487 And then she ran out of the house. 289 00:12:43,487 --> 00:12:45,727 It followed her all the way down the road. 290 00:12:45,726 --> 00:12:48,366 She ran into the newsagents and the only way they could get 291 00:12:48,366 --> 00:12:52,206 it off her face was to sort of distract it with a Twix. 292 00:12:53,725 --> 00:12:55,565 I... I call bullshit on that. 293 00:12:55,565 --> 00:12:56,885 That can't be true. 294 00:12:56,885 --> 00:13:00,955 Right. I think you need a shower. 295 00:13:00,964 --> 00:13:02,884 Yeah. Because... 296 00:13:02,884 --> 00:13:05,804 Yeah, I can't have a shower cos my boiler is... 297 00:13:05,803 --> 00:13:08,643 Right. Come to mine. You'll have a shower at mine. 298 00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:09,963 Yeah. OK, let's go. 299 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,043 You did that really well. 300 00:13:11,042 --> 00:13:14,242 You kept that to five minutes, 39. Oh, wow. 301 00:13:15,642 --> 00:13:16,922 Come here. 302 00:13:18,441 --> 00:13:20,201 How's things with Dan, then? 303 00:13:20,201 --> 00:13:22,681 The only way I could describe it, it's like playing mummies 304 00:13:22,681 --> 00:13:25,761 and daddies at school, in the playground, rearranging 305 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:29,320 the chairs in the playhouse and pushing the plastic dolly around. 306 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,480 That's about it. 307 00:13:31,479 --> 00:13:32,759 Bleak, isn't it? 308 00:13:32,759 --> 00:13:34,999 I mean, I didn't want to say, but...yeah. 309 00:13:34,999 --> 00:13:37,279 Oh, bollocks. What? 310 00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:42,679 Oh, it's 3.00, and I'm supposed to help Dan set up this memorial thing. 311 00:13:42,678 --> 00:13:45,598 Oh. People don't generally eat at those things, do they? 312 00:13:45,597 --> 00:13:46,757 You'd be surprised. 313 00:13:46,757 --> 00:13:48,357 I only bought crisps! 314 00:13:48,357 --> 00:13:51,637 Oh, God, no. You've got to do proper food at those things. Really? 315 00:13:51,636 --> 00:13:55,916 Yeah. Sandwiches at the very least. Oh, God. A quiche as well. 316 00:13:55,916 --> 00:13:58,876 She's put her hanging baskets back up. Oh, God. 317 00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:00,715 Do you want to pop in and say hi to Katya? 318 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,195 Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny. 319 00:14:02,195 --> 00:14:03,755 So I've got to do a quiche, have I? 320 00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,985 Yeah, everyone loves quiche. Oh, really? 321 00:14:05,994 --> 00:14:10,074 And it's, you know, finger food, isn't it? Oh, God. 322 00:14:10,074 --> 00:14:11,874 How are you feeling about it? 323 00:14:11,873 --> 00:14:13,193 Unprepared, obviously. 324 00:14:13,193 --> 00:14:15,833 No, not like the, you know, organisational element. 325 00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:18,633 I meant how are you actually feeling about Alex? 326 00:14:18,632 --> 00:14:20,112 Oh, I miss him every day. 327 00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:22,792 Oi. 328 00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:30,991 You know how, like, houses can be haunted? 329 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,990 Do you think people can be haunted? 330 00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:35,270 Are you OK? 331 00:14:35,270 --> 00:14:36,390 Yeah, I'm fine. 332 00:14:37,389 --> 00:14:42,789 I think, personally, the only sort of people that believe in ghosts 333 00:14:42,789 --> 00:14:45,989 are sort of really sad, bored, lonely people. 334 00:14:45,988 --> 00:14:48,868 Like Viv. Viv? Viv believes in ghosts. 335 00:14:48,868 --> 00:14:50,468 Rest my case. Case in point. 336 00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:53,667 I cannot believe you work for Viv. 337 00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:54,907 Yeah. 338 00:14:54,907 --> 00:14:56,987 Lol! Yeah, thanks. 339 00:14:56,986 --> 00:14:58,426 And she fired you! 340 00:14:58,426 --> 00:15:00,346 Yeah, she did. Trololololol! Yeah. 341 00:15:00,346 --> 00:15:03,866 Do you know, you're really vile, aren't you? Very vile human being. 342 00:15:03,865 --> 00:15:05,745 All right, five reasons why 343 00:15:05,745 --> 00:15:08,625 you should help your wife clean the house. 344 00:15:08,625 --> 00:15:11,495 You live here too. You live here too. 345 00:15:11,504 --> 00:15:13,664 You live here too. You live here too. 346 00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,104 You live here too. 347 00:15:17,663 --> 00:15:20,023 I'm not really sure that we're your target audience. 348 00:15:20,023 --> 00:15:22,903 Ollie, I think you're going to find, as young men growing up in this 349 00:15:22,903 --> 00:15:25,383 world, this is exactly the type of stuff you need to be hearing, 350 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:26,942 all right? OK. 351 00:15:26,942 --> 00:15:29,382 OK. Knock, knock. Who's there? 352 00:15:29,382 --> 00:15:30,862 Impatient feminist. 353 00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:33,861 Impatient fe... Why don't we have equal pay yet?! 354 00:15:33,861 --> 00:15:37,261 Why are you screaming about gender pay in my son's sweet face? 355 00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:40,540 Well, the boys just agreed to be my first audience, didn't you? 356 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,940 No. I wouldn't say we agreed. 357 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:44,060 Oh, my goodness. Erm... 358 00:15:44,059 --> 00:15:46,019 You haven't seen Dan, have you? Yeah. 359 00:15:46,019 --> 00:15:48,099 He said he was going to go and set up for tomorrow. 360 00:15:48,099 --> 00:15:49,659 How was he? Was he all right? Cross? 361 00:15:49,659 --> 00:15:51,659 Well, he was...he was all right. 362 00:15:51,658 --> 00:15:53,738 I think he was wondering where you got to. Yeah. 363 00:15:53,738 --> 00:15:55,578 Oh, God. Erm... 364 00:15:55,578 --> 00:15:59,498 OK, can we just have a heart-to-heart? Woman on woman? 365 00:15:59,497 --> 00:16:01,817 You know I'm always up and ready for that. 366 00:16:01,817 --> 00:16:05,297 I think the fact is that I've always thoroughly disliked you. 367 00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:07,216 What? Justified or unjustified. 368 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,256 How much did I used to slag her off? Every day. 369 00:16:09,256 --> 00:16:10,416 Every day on the way to school? 370 00:16:10,415 --> 00:16:12,775 Every single day. Mental. 371 00:16:12,775 --> 00:16:15,855 What I want to say is, I've had a total eclipse of the sun. 372 00:16:15,855 --> 00:16:18,085 I don't feel that way about you any more. 373 00:16:18,094 --> 00:16:19,574 I really like you. 374 00:16:19,574 --> 00:16:21,894 You showed me a bit of vulnerability, which I like. 375 00:16:21,894 --> 00:16:25,014 I think your comedy is up there with some of the greats, you know? 376 00:16:25,013 --> 00:16:27,373 It's getting there. It's getting there, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. 377 00:16:27,373 --> 00:16:31,413 On that note, would it be possible for you to look after these two 378 00:16:31,412 --> 00:16:34,892 while I go and help Dan out at the memorial and maybe to drop them 379 00:16:34,892 --> 00:16:37,452 back home at mine afterwards? Is that OK? 380 00:16:37,451 --> 00:16:39,171 It would be my pleasure. 381 00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:41,691 Brilliant. And on the same note, 382 00:16:41,691 --> 00:16:44,691 would you be able to rustle up a quiche? 383 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:47,210 Absolutely. That's no problem. I love making... 384 00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:50,130 Well... 20 to 40... 20 to 40 quiches? 385 00:16:50,129 --> 00:16:51,289 For tomorrow morning. 386 00:16:51,289 --> 00:16:53,809 Oh. I mean, you've probably got about...12 hours? 387 00:16:53,809 --> 00:16:56,369 For the memorial tomorrow. By tomorrow? 388 00:16:56,368 --> 00:16:58,488 Brilliant. I'll leave that with you. 389 00:16:58,488 --> 00:16:59,808 Er, s-sure. Thank you. 390 00:16:59,808 --> 00:17:01,768 Thank you so much, Lucy. 391 00:17:01,768 --> 00:17:03,368 Thank you. 392 00:17:03,367 --> 00:17:04,407 No, thank... 393 00:17:05,527 --> 00:17:09,967 Do you know what? You remind me of a very young Jim Carrey. 394 00:17:09,966 --> 00:17:12,166 Wow. Yeah. Wow. 395 00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:13,526 Well, when he was... Thank you. 396 00:17:13,526 --> 00:17:16,686 ..Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, he's trying to hone...find his craft. 397 00:17:16,685 --> 00:17:18,765 Yeah. He hasn't quite got to the Dumb and Dumber. 398 00:17:18,765 --> 00:17:21,725 That is spot-on. An inspiration to many. 399 00:17:21,725 --> 00:17:24,675 Yeah. Don't stop pulling those mad faces! 400 00:17:24,684 --> 00:17:25,964 OK. 401 00:17:27,804 --> 00:17:30,604 All right. What do you call a woman who has loads of sex? 402 00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:31,643 I don't know. 403 00:17:31,643 --> 00:17:33,123 Her name! 404 00:17:33,123 --> 00:17:35,403 Dan, I'm just getting in a taxi now. 405 00:17:35,403 --> 00:17:36,923 What? 406 00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:40,122 No, I definitely said on the email the 26th. What is it? 407 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,602 Oh, my God. Let me just... 408 00:17:43,601 --> 00:17:45,081 What? One sec! 409 00:17:48,321 --> 00:17:49,441 Oh, my... 410 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,840 Dan? Dan! 411 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,280 Oh, my God! 412 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,400 What is it? What's happened? 413 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,360 I put the wrong date on the email for the memorial so nobody's 414 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:58,479 going to be able to come! 415 00:17:58,479 --> 00:17:59,639 Oh, mate. 416 00:17:59,639 --> 00:18:01,879 Oh, my God. What am I going to do? 417 00:18:01,879 --> 00:18:03,399 Oh, OK, erm... 418 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,518 Is this the temp agency? 419 00:18:07,518 --> 00:18:11,638 Is it possible to get about 20 to 30 people for tomorrow? 420 00:18:12,597 --> 00:18:15,757 No, no, no, sorry, not to work, to actually mourn. Mourners, yeah. 421 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,676 I'm sorry, I thought you just said three grand. 422 00:18:18,676 --> 00:18:21,196 Oh, you did? OK, that's fine. Thank you. 423 00:18:21,196 --> 00:18:22,716 Righto. 424 00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,035 Thanks, mate. 425 00:18:24,035 --> 00:18:25,075 Three grand. 426 00:18:29,314 --> 00:18:30,354 Oh, God. 427 00:18:31,634 --> 00:18:33,594 I haven't been here since the wedding. 428 00:18:37,313 --> 00:18:39,113 It's going to be really hard, Nic. 429 00:18:44,632 --> 00:18:46,632 Nic? Hmm? 430 00:18:46,632 --> 00:18:48,432 Shall we go in? 431 00:18:48,432 --> 00:18:49,472 Yeah. 432 00:18:52,711 --> 00:18:55,071 I just need a moment to talk to my man. 433 00:18:55,071 --> 00:18:56,111 Of course. 434 00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:59,270 Dan? 435 00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:02,630 Oh, there you are. 436 00:19:02,629 --> 00:19:03,869 Sorry. Crisps? 437 00:19:05,549 --> 00:19:10,389 Yeah. I mean, I think I gave you 200 quid to sort the food out, Nic. 438 00:19:10,388 --> 00:19:13,548 Yeah, that's, er... £200 worth of crisps there. 439 00:19:13,548 --> 00:19:17,468 Oh, my God. I mean, it's adorable, but it's a little bit annoying. 440 00:19:17,467 --> 00:19:21,027 There are quiches coming, so don't panic about that. 441 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,987 That's all right. Everyone loves quiche, don't they? 442 00:19:22,986 --> 00:19:25,386 As long as it arrives on the right date. 443 00:19:25,386 --> 00:19:28,666 Your mum and Suz have done a really good job. 444 00:19:28,665 --> 00:19:31,745 Yeah, you think? They have, haven't they? 445 00:19:31,745 --> 00:19:33,905 Well, it feels, like, smaller than it did on our wedding day, 446 00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,495 don't you think? God, do you remember when Simon 447 00:19:36,504 --> 00:19:40,824 thought the DJ booth was a urinal cos he was so battered? Oh, yeah! 448 00:19:40,824 --> 00:19:42,584 That's your family. I know. 449 00:19:43,703 --> 00:19:44,943 Bunch of wrong 'uns. 450 00:19:47,983 --> 00:19:51,023 Erm... Harry's with Lucy, so... 451 00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:52,822 I know. Thank you. 452 00:19:52,822 --> 00:19:55,142 I mean, they're all Prosecco flavour as well, Nic. 453 00:19:55,141 --> 00:19:57,741 Like, people are going to think it's a product launch, aren't they? 454 00:19:57,741 --> 00:20:00,461 Why is she... Why is she still here? Why are you still here? 455 00:20:00,461 --> 00:20:02,941 I wanted to say sorry and explain. 456 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,540 I mean, she's even got the same ciothes as you, Nic. 457 00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:08,420 Who are you? Like, you're fucking eeh-eeh-eeh-eeh! 458 00:20:08,419 --> 00:20:09,779 What's going on? I'm sorry, Dan. 459 00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:12,059 No, I'm sorry that you haven't realised that this is actually 460 00:20:12,059 --> 00:20:13,779 my brother's memorial. 461 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,379 So if you'd be as kind as just to fuck off out of my life, 462 00:20:16,378 --> 00:20:18,898 out of my wife's life, out of... ..our cat's life. 463 00:20:18,898 --> 00:20:20,538 That'd be really nice. Thank you very much. 464 00:20:20,538 --> 00:20:22,338 Could you... I know you're going to go mental. 465 00:20:22,337 --> 00:20:25,017 Could you just let her explain? 466 00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:26,777 Just, please, just... 467 00:20:26,777 --> 00:20:28,337 Oh, my... Are you joking me? 468 00:20:28,336 --> 00:20:30,616 Nic, come on. Are you joking me? 469 00:20:30,616 --> 00:20:32,136 Just listen to her because... 470 00:20:32,136 --> 00:20:35,136 Listen? I've been... I've been really fucking patient up till here. 471 00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:37,255 I know. I've been really understanding, and now what? 472 00:20:37,255 --> 00:20:39,615 She's going to reel you back in? It's that easy, is it? 473 00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:43,005 Oh, my God. Honestly, Nic, if you love me, if you've ever loved me, 474 00:20:43,014 --> 00:20:45,094 please tell her to go. 475 00:20:45,094 --> 00:20:46,614 Nic. 476 00:20:46,614 --> 00:20:48,214 Nic. 477 00:20:53,373 --> 00:20:54,413 Nic. 478 00:20:55,532 --> 00:20:56,812 Nic? 479 00:20:56,812 --> 00:20:57,852 Oh, my God. 480 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:01,492 Oh. Right, well, you can fuck off as well. Go on, fuck off with her. 481 00:21:01,491 --> 00:21:02,851 Go on, go on. 482 00:21:04,811 --> 00:21:06,451 Actually, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. 483 00:21:06,451 --> 00:21:08,051 You can do all this. You can do all this. 484 00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:11,130 I'm going to go. I'm going to go and stay at my mum's. 485 00:21:11,130 --> 00:21:13,730 Girl fucking power! Fuck off! 486 00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,010 Mate, I... 487 00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:17,929 Can I, erm...? 488 00:21:17,929 --> 00:21:19,249 Is there anything? 489 00:21:19,249 --> 00:21:21,009 Can you just give me a minute, mate? 490 00:21:25,768 --> 00:21:28,088 Oh, God. It's such a mess. 491 00:21:30,327 --> 00:21:31,487 Oh... 492 00:21:44,565 --> 00:21:45,605 Oi! 493 00:21:47,924 --> 00:21:49,404 Nic. I'm here, look. 494 00:21:51,404 --> 00:21:53,644 You know I've got an ear infection, you dick! 495 00:21:54,643 --> 00:21:55,683 Oh... 496 00:21:59,803 --> 00:22:00,843 Yes! 497 00:22:02,442 --> 00:22:04,162 You threw that like Mr Burns, then. 498 00:22:08,281 --> 00:22:09,321 Oh... 499 00:22:11,681 --> 00:22:13,721 Oh, God! 500 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,680 What do you want from me? 501 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:23,559 What do you want from me?! 502 00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:24,599 Signature. 503 00:22:24,599 --> 00:22:27,639 Oh, my Go... Sorry. Erm... 504 00:22:30,158 --> 00:22:32,678 Yes, sorry. What is it for? 505 00:22:32,678 --> 00:22:35,158 Crisps. Crisps. Yes. 506 00:22:35,157 --> 00:22:38,677 God, I must have been really pissed, I know. 507 00:22:40,397 --> 00:22:43,277 You don't want any crisps, do you? 508 00:22:43,276 --> 00:22:44,996 Maybe. What flavour? 509 00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:46,516 Prosecco flavour. 510 00:22:46,516 --> 00:22:48,196 No, you're all right. 511 00:22:48,195 --> 00:22:49,715 I'll just go get the rest. 512 00:22:56,474 --> 00:22:59,794 God, you know, I actually feel relieved. 513 00:23:01,073 --> 00:23:04,233 What, that he's gone? That he's gone, yeah. 514 00:23:04,233 --> 00:23:05,273 That's OK. 515 00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:09,272 I'm really glad I'm here. 516 00:23:09,272 --> 00:23:10,672 I'm really glad you're here. 517 00:23:12,632 --> 00:23:14,592 Is that your phone? 518 00:23:14,591 --> 00:23:16,511 Yeah, who is it? Can you see? 519 00:23:17,591 --> 00:23:19,591 It's Dan. Oof... 520 00:23:19,591 --> 00:23:21,311 Are you going to answer it? 521 00:23:21,310 --> 00:23:23,470 No. Are you sure? 522 00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:24,630 Yeah. 523 00:23:28,189 --> 00:23:29,869 God, I wish you had a cock. 524 00:23:33,069 --> 00:23:34,789 It'd be really big as well, wouldn't it? 525 00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:37,988 You'd be just, like, the best partner. 526 00:23:37,988 --> 00:23:40,188 You'd be so supportive... I know. 527 00:23:40,187 --> 00:23:43,907 ..and sort of not want thanking for putting up 528 00:23:43,907 --> 00:23:45,667 a set of shelves... No. I wouldn't need it. 529 00:23:45,667 --> 00:23:47,067 ..not needing a blowjob for it. 530 00:23:47,066 --> 00:23:48,906 I wouldn't need it... You'd just do it. 531 00:23:48,906 --> 00:23:52,746 ..cos I'd be...I'd be secure enough in my own masculinity that I would 532 00:23:52,746 --> 00:23:54,866 just be happy to do it for you 533 00:23:54,865 --> 00:23:56,705 and I wouldn't need anything in return. 534 00:23:56,705 --> 00:23:59,905 Oh! I wouldn't need to prove anything, you know? 535 00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:02,055 Oh, that's so great. 536 00:24:02,064 --> 00:24:03,664 And I'd do it... 537 00:24:03,664 --> 00:24:05,984 I'd do it as soon as you asked me to do it. 538 00:24:05,984 --> 00:24:09,584 Wouldn't put it off and go to the pub and bitch about you 539 00:24:09,583 --> 00:24:11,223 or anything like that. 540 00:24:11,223 --> 00:24:15,983 And you'd take me into, like, the town at the weekend and you'd come 541 00:24:15,982 --> 00:24:20,062 into the Lush shop with me and let me look at all the bath bombs, 542 00:24:20,061 --> 00:24:23,061 not complain about how the smell of the Lush shop gives you a headache. 543 00:24:23,061 --> 00:24:25,061 Yeah, exactly. 544 00:24:25,061 --> 00:24:27,421 And I wouldn't mind that my coat just smelled like it 545 00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:29,380 for hours afterwards. 546 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:31,580 And you'd let me watch RuPaul's Drag Race. 547 00:24:31,580 --> 00:24:34,900 I'd WANT to watch RuPaul's Drag Race. Yeah! Absolutely. 548 00:24:34,899 --> 00:24:37,859 And discuss it over, like, a bottle of wine. Yeah. 549 00:24:37,859 --> 00:24:40,179 In really...really detail. Yeah. Yeah. 550 00:24:40,178 --> 00:24:43,698 And I'd have my favourite ones and you'd have yours and we'd argue 551 00:24:43,698 --> 00:24:46,618 over them, but we probably would agree on...on the winner. Yeah. 552 00:24:49,697 --> 00:24:51,057 Do you know, I always thought I was 553 00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:54,697 going to be something really magnificent. 554 00:24:54,696 --> 00:24:56,056 You are magnificent. 555 00:24:56,056 --> 00:24:58,136 I'm not. I'm an absolute idiot. 556 00:24:58,136 --> 00:25:00,216 What have I done with my life? 557 00:25:00,215 --> 00:25:02,575 I thought I was going to be, like... 558 00:25:02,575 --> 00:25:04,535 Start my own girl group and... 559 00:25:04,535 --> 00:25:07,445 I mean, you ARE a fucking idiot. Yeah. Yeah. 560 00:25:07,454 --> 00:25:09,334 But you're really magnificent. 561 00:25:11,854 --> 00:25:13,534 You've got no idea, have you? 562 00:25:15,133 --> 00:25:17,573 Why is you so bloody great to me? 563 00:25:17,573 --> 00:25:19,413 Oh, I don't know. 564 00:25:19,413 --> 00:25:22,093 I don't know what I'd have done if I'd not met you. 565 00:25:23,612 --> 00:25:25,652 Thank you for believing me. 566 00:25:25,652 --> 00:25:26,812 That's all right. 567 00:25:28,131 --> 00:25:29,971 It's just not nice, not sharing. 568 00:25:29,971 --> 00:25:33,251 Mum, Ollie won't let me play with his camcorder. 569 00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:34,850 Yeah, but you can't play with it. 570 00:25:34,850 --> 00:25:37,090 It's not a toy. I use it to make my films. 571 00:25:37,090 --> 00:25:38,570 Don't argue about it. 572 00:25:38,570 --> 00:25:42,250 Just go...go upstairs and put your pyjamas on. You've had a long day. 573 00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:43,969 It'll be bedtime soon anyway. 574 00:25:43,969 --> 00:25:45,249 Go on. Off you go. 575 00:25:45,249 --> 00:25:46,369 It's not fair. 576 00:25:46,368 --> 00:25:48,368 Can you deal with them? 577 00:25:48,368 --> 00:25:51,048 Yeah, I'll do it. Don't worry. Oh, you're such a great husband. 578 00:25:51,048 --> 00:25:53,328 I'm a really good husband, aren't I? Yeah. 579 00:25:53,327 --> 00:25:55,207 Go on, up you get. Ugh. 580 00:25:57,487 --> 00:25:59,367 Tomorrow's going to be hell, isn't it? 581 00:25:59,366 --> 00:26:01,486 I'm going to be there, OK? It's going to be all right. 582 00:26:01,486 --> 00:26:04,526 Thank you. Right, you stay down here and I'll sort these kids out. 583 00:26:04,526 --> 00:26:07,086 Oh, I'd better see where this cat's at. 584 00:26:07,085 --> 00:26:09,045 Have you got any tampons? 585 00:26:09,045 --> 00:26:11,245 Yeah, cupboard under the sink. OK. 586 00:26:11,245 --> 00:26:12,915 When did you come on your period? 587 00:26:12,924 --> 00:26:13,964 This morning. 588 00:26:13,964 --> 00:26:15,684 What? Same! 589 00:26:15,684 --> 00:26:16,924 You too? Me too. 590 00:26:16,924 --> 00:26:18,244 We've... Synced up. 591 00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:19,404 We've synced up! 592 00:26:19,403 --> 00:26:21,683 Oh, my gosh. That's really great, that. 593 00:26:25,043 --> 00:26:27,563 See where this fat bastard is. 594 00:26:27,562 --> 00:26:29,082 Mr Miaowgi? 595 00:26:32,881 --> 00:26:34,841 Mr Miaowgi! 596 00:26:34,841 --> 00:26:36,521 Whatever the fuck your name is. 597 00:26:38,001 --> 00:26:39,041 Ugh. 598 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:41,880 "Have you turned the light off, Ollie?" 599 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,160 "Yes, of course I have, Mum." 600 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,440 Fuck's sake. 601 00:26:46,599 --> 00:26:47,799 Ugh. 602 00:26:59,397 --> 00:27:01,117 How do you work this bloody thing? 603 00:27:02,637 --> 00:27:04,197 Ah. 604 00:27:07,636 --> 00:27:09,516 Come on, then, greedy guts. 605 00:27:09,516 --> 00:27:12,556 Aww. You've not been very good, have you? 606 00:27:12,555 --> 00:27:15,115 You've destroyed the whole city. 607 00:27:17,395 --> 00:27:19,345 Let's get rid of you, then. 608 00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:25,274 Three, two, one... Blast off. Oh, my God... 609 00:27:33,192 --> 00:27:34,472 You stupid bitch! 610 00:27:40,391 --> 00:27:41,831 How did you do the X? 611 00:27:41,831 --> 00:27:43,031 Well, thank you for asking. 612 00:27:43,031 --> 00:27:45,751 I did the line and I stopped mid-flow, 613 00:27:45,750 --> 00:27:48,910 and I readjusted, and I finished the other line. 614 00:27:48,910 --> 00:27:50,470 It's really great, OK? 615 00:27:53,549 --> 00:27:54,949 Let me be your vacuum cleaner 616 00:27:54,949 --> 00:27:56,189 Breathing in your dust 617 00:27:56,189 --> 00:27:57,749 Let me be your Morris Minor 618 00:27:57,749 --> 00:27:58,789 I will never rust 619 00:27:58,788 --> 00:27:59,988 If you like your coffee hot 620 00:27:59,988 --> 00:28:01,548 Let me be your coffee pot 621 00:28:01,548 --> 00:28:03,068 You call the shots 622 00:28:03,068 --> 00:28:04,308 I want to be yours 623 00:28:04,308 --> 00:28:05,748 Let me be your electric meter 624 00:28:05,747 --> 00:28:06,867 I will never run out 625 00:28:06,867 --> 00:28:08,507 Let me be the electric heater 626 00:28:08,507 --> 00:28:10,027 You get pneumonia without 627 00:28:10,027 --> 00:28:11,907 Let me be your setting lotion 628 00:28:11,906 --> 00:28:14,266 Grip your skull with deep devotion 629 00:28:14,266 --> 00:28:16,026 Deep as the deep Atlantic Ocean 630 00:28:16,026 --> 00:28:17,746 That's how deep is my devotion 631 00:28:17,746 --> 00:28:19,706 Deep, deep, deep, deep, d-deep-deep 632 00:28:19,705 --> 00:28:20,985 I don't want to be hers 633 00:28:20,985 --> 00:28:22,065 I want to be yours. 634 00:28:22,115 --> 00:28:26,665 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0